is making time even possible?

from the beginning of our relationship, i have always been the health nut: watching what i eat, exercising (although sometimes infrequent). well the tables have turned. between work, running the house, taking care of ella, jerm, and the dogs, at the end of the day or at the beginning of the day for that matter, i am utterly exhausted. in may, jerm made a huge decision to change his lifestyle to a more healthy one. the person whose veins ran coke, now only drinks water or gaterade. the person i would beg to eat more healthy is now eating good things. and on top of that he has been exercising. i am soooo proud of him!! we bought an elliptical in june. in the last 5 months jerm has used it at least 4-5 times a week on average; i have used it a total of twice. how terrible! great for jerm but terrible for me. i have got to get some time, energy, and motivation to get into shape. the stress at work has caused my appetite to decrease and my metabolism to increase so i have lost the remainder of the baby weight. which is not a healthy way to do it but it was unintentional. but i know that i need to get back into exercising; it's just the legistics. i get up around 5:15am, at work by 7am, off work at 4:30pm, pick up ella, home around 5:15/5:30pm, ella eats at 6pm, play with ella, give her a bath, ella in bed between 7:30/8:00, get her bag/food/clothes ready and set out for next day, usually need to cook and/or clean up from dinner, maybe work in some laundry, by then it's around 9 and all i can think about is sleep. i am asleep within 2 minutes of my head hitting the pillow. only to wake up and do it all over again the next day. i am not complaining; maybe i am justifying but legistically exercising does not fit into my daily routine right now. i would have to deprive myself of sleep to get up earlier or go to bed later and work out then. i don't think so. now i do walk alot at work (our office is huge), i take the stairs in the parking garage every day, but its not aerobic exercise like i know i need. so anyway, i know i need to figure something out but there are only so many hours in the day.

Lord, empty me

Empty me of the selfishness inside
Every vain ambition and the poison of my pride
And any foolish thing my heart holds onto
Lord, empty me of me so I can be filled with you
Cause everything is a lesser thing
Compared to you, so I surrender all.

(lyrics by chris sligh)

blackberry leaf

you know how everyone's home has their own unique smell--sometimes good, sometimes not. well my favorite candle fragrance has been discontinued! i am so upset. crazy, i know, that i am so upset about this but it's hard for me to find a candle fragrance i like. most of them are too strong or fruity or flowery. but my blackberry leaf from the thymes was the perfect blend of smells. and now it's gone or at least that is what i can assume since i can't find it anywhere on their website anymore. so i am on the quest for a new fragrance. i want something light, clean, and with maybe a slight hind of flowery. my first try will be kimono rose, also by the thymes, but i think it is a bit too strong and flowery. i'm going to give it a few chances though.

observations

most of the time we all float through life just thinking about what is going on in our own world. we are so caught up in what we have to do, we forget or don't even notice what is going on around us. sometimes i catch myself at the oddest moments realizing how small i am considering how many many people there are in the world. one of the moments happens when i am driving to work, at 6:30 am. i am usually preoccupied thinking about what i have to do at work that day or what i have to get done once i get home. but just about every morning, i see this man walking on the other side of lakeland drive along the pearl river bridge. he goes to this same gas station across the bridge every single morning. and i do mean every morning except when it's raining. he always has his long hair in a ponytail; well to my shock one morning a few weeks ago, he cut his hair! so random to notice i know but i always wonder about this man. not sure where he walks from; i always see him in that one spot-- walking on the bridge or about to cross lakeland to the gas station. but he reminds me that there are other people in the world with their own lives, issues, stresses, etc. God wants us to think of others and not ourselves. it is so hard to do that in this selfish world we live in. but i thank God for this little man; for how he reminds me that's it's not only about me and my life; it's about all of God's creatures and how He cares for all of them, so shouldn't we??

my journal

those of you who know me, know that i express myself better writing than talking and it also helps me to process things, vent, etc. when write about it. since the other blog is more of a family photo album/journal, i didn't want to cloud it up with my ramblings. hence, this blog of my thoughts was created. not sure how much i will write on it. but check back often!